It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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