Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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