He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How does it feel to date your dad?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
