I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
