the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize