Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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