i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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