I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
