How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
