Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
