drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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