if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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