Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
3pm strippers are depressing
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
