I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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