Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
