fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
