I queefed so loud it echoed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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