I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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