Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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