how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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