I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
