Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
