For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
