i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
