it's not cheating when I paid for it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
