so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
