i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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