I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
