No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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