I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
