when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
