well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
