I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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