i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think my moral compass just broke
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize