For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
