He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
