even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
