Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

(651): View more from Minnesota

again?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol

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(318): View more from Louisiana

No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.

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(904): View more from Florida

I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?

(704): View more from North Carolina

Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.

(980): View more from North Carolina

He absolutely would.

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