i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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