meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
