i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
