Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
