your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
