at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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