true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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