My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
