Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
