Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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