69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
as a side note pls kill me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
