dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
