I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
