You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
