You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
