i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
