I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
