Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
