i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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