I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize