Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
