Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
this just has baby written all over it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
