It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
