you guys were way drunker than both of me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
FUCK WHALES
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
