Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
