Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
