Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
