She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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