I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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