Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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