Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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