hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
