I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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