I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
