I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
